Team Moo-Moo Nurburgring trip May 2008David’s Story
It is late spring in the Eifel Mountains. 20 plus degrees. Like an old horse with the sun on my back for the first time in months I lie back and watch two birds of prey circle over the ‘hill’ at the Adenau bridge. This is serenity. Yesterday the hill was full of ‘organ donors’, standing by the bridge, dressed like power rangers and sweating profusely in the mid day sun. Why do they walk like they’ve filled their nappies? But today is Monday. The ‘Ring isn’t open yet and I lie semi-conscious my eyes becoming heavier. This is true bliss.......... I lie reflecting on the weekend so far. The ridiculously early start on Friday morning and I am medicated to the eyeballs on Anti cold and flu tablets. The journey down the M6 and M40 towards Oxford passes with little incident except for the tom-tom suction pad breaking and the relief when we discover super glue at the service station. Yes I am over 16 madam! No I’m not going to sniff it! Whilst you’re at it 40 fags and that big F**k off knife as well! Mike’s 911 Turbo is purring along and at that time in the morning, chewing up the road ahead and spitting it out the back like a Jack Russell after a rabbit. Europe in a day sir? Not a problem. It is at this point I become a little sad that my Audi RS2 isn’t coming for the jolly to the ‘Ring. Built at the same time as the Porsche (early 90’s) and in the same factory I would love to see both of them together, unleashing over ¾’s of a thousand horsepower leaving the toll booths with thick black lines. Both in identical shades of Porsche polar silver, with identical fussy owners! There’s no health and safety nannying electronics here. Just your right foot and your sense of dread! There’s no skool like old skool! Maybe next year? Oxford arrives at stupid o’clock, and I get out of Mike’s Porka to examine my steed for the weekend. Boy is it subtle. Jimbo’s Black Peugeot 306 track car is parked on a suburban Oxford street. Sitting menacingly with negative camber and its wheels tucked slightly further into the arches. I climb aboard; no really that is the only way to describe it. Into the racing seat and then spend the next 10 minutes adjusting the 4 point safety harness. I’m ready to go now.... Except I can’t close the open door and I can’t reach forwards enough to get the key in the ignition! I need sugar and caffeine! A short temper tantrum later we’re rolling! I am leading, with the tom-tom now stuck successfully to the screen and Mike is following. I then discover even before the end of the road that the seats are really hurting my lower back and arse and that you can’t reach the indicators with the rest of your hands on the steering wheel as it’s a deep dish rally wheel made from suede. OK, it’s going to be a steep learning curve. Mike follows me to the end of the road and I brake for the first set of traffic lights. My first thoughts now are…. the harnesses work well stopping me from going through that windscreen! I don’t want to imagine what Mike’s thoughts were behind! Brakes are DIGITAL! I later discover the brakes are brand new, comprising of Tarox disks and ‘Yellow Stuff’ pads on all four corners. The journey continues towards Maidstone and the services. The exhaust on the Pug rattling away, its metallic sound seemingly in character with the rest of the car. At this point I did wonder what was I doing driving this 10 year old French car that had been ‘modified’ all the way to the ‘Ring? The Maidstone services were a relief for me. I got chance to get out of the racing seat and stretch my legs. Mike came over and said “Are you OK mate?”……… “Not really, I’m really tired and my arse hurts!” was my reply. Now that made sense to the both of us at the time but not to the nice middle class lady with the two small children, who rushed them passed us with a look that would turn you to stone! BREAKFAST TIME!!!!!! “All the really bad stuff on one plate please love!” More pig than you could shake a stick at. “That will be £10 please!” God I thought fuel was getting expensive! Jimbo, Ben and the new boy Chris are sitting in their usual corner seats having devoured their pig and fried bread. The boys’ holiday is under way! After chatting for half an hour and purchasing some Europe essentials including a new headlamp bulb for the Pug we set off for Dover. The walkie talkies I’d brought along are working fine, unless you’re in an Elise (must have been something to do with cleaning it Jim!). Dover port is dispatched without incident except for talking over security on the same radio channel! Oopse! The French customs being their usual cheery selves. I followed the boys onto the ‘Big Boat’ and soon we were sitting with the Eastern European lorry drivers trying to guess their nationalities by their bizarre clothes! 1 bag of mini Toblerones were dispatched without effort and the five of us disembark. We are joined for a few miles by a couple of really hardcore lunatic Brits who are touring France and Germany in a Caterham! MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD!!!!!! That’s why I love the UK! Who else would be daft enough to do that? France disappears in the blink of an eye and it’s onto the serenity, calm, billiard smooth roads of Belgium! OK, I’m lying! It’s got the worst roads, most impatient drivers and most of all the most boring scenery of any European country. Unfortunately, it’s up to us to traverse this country from West to East in as quick a time as possible. Normally not a problem, but in the Pug with those seats, brakes, lack of soundproofing etc this was going to be a bit of a ‘task’. I have never been so glad to see the Dutch border! The Netherlands also pass without incident and we’re into Germany for some proper toe down motoring. It is by now mid afternoon and I’m keen to press on a bit and get into the Eifel Mountains, say ‘Hi’ to Eddy at the hotel and grab the key for the guesthouse. Eddy is his usual friendly self and shows us his new toy. Black with orange wheels IS the best colour. I’m glad he didn’t buy a green one! Off to the Guesthouse. A quick freshen up and then to the local restaurant in the village. No steaks, so it’s a choice of Schnitzel! No matter. I’m so hungry I could eat the proverbial scabby horse. In fact what is it they make Schnitzel out of? I’m sure it’s Pork, but admit I haven’t seen many horses around here! We all eat our meals in a scene reminiscent of the Simpsons’ kitchen table and talk about physics, “did you know” and cars. (See why Girls aren’t allowed now?) Off to bed early only to listen to Chris snoring and breaking wind! What do they make Schnitzel from again? Saturday morning dawns and it is COLD! It is still Spring and the mornings are chilly. No matter, as I borrow one of Mike’s fleeces and visit the local fuel station to buy a long sleeved top which would cost you £10 in Primark but costs 5 times that here! Oh well, needs must! We decide to go for a short drive to the Nurburg castle and a walk up the hill. Just over 2 euros later, we are walking around this fantastic icon of the area, and we climb to the top, and look down at the beautiful scenery around us. The view is stunning.
Now, being a bloke and always being “right” I decided to wear factor F**k all on my face and arms. The afternoon was spent in the sun eating ice cream and watching very expensive cars (95% being Porsches of one kind or another) being driven with a fair degree of speed around this tricky section before the ‘ice curve’. The afternoon drifted by and we made our way up to the entrance to buy our tickets and queue for our chance to be on the ‘Ring in 08. What a surprise! The price has gone up from 64 euros to 70 euros for 4 laps! Factor in our exchange rate this year (1.12 to the pound instead of 1.38 last year) and in real terms it’s 20% more expensive this year! We are delayed in starting, as a Russian Billionaire has hired the track for a few hours for his own pleasure (the cost, 1 million euros to you Sir!) but eventually we get out on track. 1 lap later and the ‘Ring is closed for the evening. Someone’s got it all wrong and they’ve had to close early! There’s always tomorrow..... We are joined by Nick and Rob who are piloting Jim’s Honda NSX. Nick is a thoroughly nice understated and friendly bloke who has a knack for taking fantastic photos. Rob is here for his day of fun as he’s hired a Caterham for the day. He has apparently raced these ‘toy’ cars before but the one he’s got at home isn’t road legal so was unable to make the trip. Off to Pistenklause, where they serve raw Steak on a sizzling hot stone. At least it’s not Pork this time! A couple of beers and we’re back to the guesthouse! I decide to turn in early still suffering the effects of the cold and grab a bed in the empty room. Less than 10 minutes later I’m out for the count. Mad Sunday dawns! Today is the day that some ‘Organ Donor’ gets to live up to his name as usually it all goes wrong on a Sunday at the ‘Ring. A quick shower and shave reveals the stupidity of not wearing sunblock yesterday, as my face now is the colour of a Baboon’s backside. Breakfast eaten, we start our cars and head off to entrance gates in expectation of a full day on the Grune Holle. Now we aren’t ‘Ring virgins by any means but we will NEVER.... and I mean NEVER be able to match some of the people who visit here on a Sunday. Just when you think you are a driving ‘God’, some spotty lad in a battered Mk3 Golf with local plates and a roll cage will pass you like you’ve left your handbrake on. He will catch ‘air’ before Flugplatz and will drop into the foxhole at 135mph without braking at the bottom! Take it from me, know your limits and stick to them. With this in mind I decide to take the Pug out for a quickish lap hoping that the brakes don’t fade again just before Wehrseifen, which is the tight second gear left hander before the run down to Ex Muhle. The Pug is nippy, 200bhp, sod all weight and a trick LSD mated to a very tall gearbox and track day suspension make for a good track day toy. Jim is daft enough to trust me with it so let’s see what it can do. I am always mindful that it’s not my car and as such treat it with a bit more care. 9/10ths will be enough when I get used to it and if the owner’s with me 8/10ths! The Pug doesn’t disappoint. It turns in sharply and grips like my old Integra did. Limitless front end bite, in a vice free chassis. This car really lets you take liberties. As the day progresses and I get more confident and a bit quicker I find that I’m carrying a bit too much speed on turn in and the tyres are starting to protest with mild understeer before gripping and pulling you into and around each bend. Time for a little trail braking methinks. The next lap gives me more confidence and I brake for slightly longer and turn the wheel. The grip at the front is better now with no understeer. The back is playful but never “oh my God here it comes” dangerous. I am starting to like this car now.
We break for lunch and relax at the Imbiss outside Eddy’s hotel. Just us and 450 bikers! The plan for the afternoon is to watch Sabine going sideways in the ‘Ring taxi at Brunnchen and to get a few more laps in. We stand at Brunnchen, watching all the riders and drivers including a beautiful pre war Lagonda drive by. Suddenly an Orange Apollo Gumpert flies by sounding like a fighter plane from WW2. But then we catch sight of a white 5 series on opposite lock, tyres smoking. A blonde lady is driving with her passengers clearly hanging on for dear life..............It is Sabine in the ‘Ring Taxi’................
Sabine is a driving God. She throws the 500bhp M5 sideways constantly with a degree of skill that puts most professional racers to shame. Again and again she ‘showboats’ through Brunnchen to cheers and applause from the crowd. Time to get back on the ‘Ring.
I decide to jump in with Mike in the Porsche. I am always amused at how 450 bhp can feel so docile and smooth. No drama or fuss just sheer grip and grunt. Mike always drives sensibly as the value of the Porsche is going up at the same rate that houses did 5 years ago. Mike is on 6/10ths at most. I for one don’t blame him. However what Mike does like to show is the grip of the car out of Adenauer Forst. OMG! It is like being on a steam catapult. The next bend coming up like it’s on fast forward on a video.
Time for a spin with Ben. Now one thing you’ve got to know about Ben is he doesn’t think he’s particularly good at driving. What a load of crap! He is smooth and hooks up the 350z so it dances over the bumps and flies through the bends. Schwedenkreuz is dispatched at 105 mph+ without drama and it’s flat out into the foxhole. Ben is either very modest or is just like one of those pretty girls who doesn’t know she is.... Jim gives me a ride in the NSX. This is a car that you could quite easily drive across a Continent, compete a track day and drive back all in the same day and still be fresh at the end! It suits Jim’s style well. The mid engined V6 singing as the VTEC kicks in. This is a proper supercar where outright speed means nothing. This is the complete package. (Reminds me of the Integra). Night time arrives without warning and it’s off to the Pizzeria for some pasta and pizza and a beer or two. Tomorrow is Monday, our last full day in paradise! I wake up early eager to get the day started. Breakfast is a far more relaxed affair than yesterday with time to kill. Nick and Rob are returning home today in the NSX and I am glad to have been treated to a passenger lap in it by Jim. Quiet Japanese efficiency is the best way to describe this supercar. As I said there is no skool like........ The day is lazy and the lunch is made of pig. Post lunch I lie on my back in the sunshine catching a few minutes siesta whilst watching the birds of prey circle on the thermals from the hill. I am recalling the things we have done so far, the relaxation and the good company. Drifting off to sleep as the Bratwurst slowly digests in my stomach I am rudely brought back into the real world by the sound, and the sight of a racing VW Scirocco, screaming down the hill on what looks like full chat. My head now lifted like a teenager who really has to get up out of bed to go to school, scans the distance with bleary eyes. It’s dark blue and boy oh boy it’s bloody fast. The car is apparently out testing for the 24hr Nurburgring endurance at the end of May, Apparently it has 296bhp with a DSG gearbox, tested by Hans Stuck and due to be driven by him and my hero, Carlos Sainz in the race. Now that’s what I call an alarm clock! No teenager or student would ever be late for lectures with one of those to wake them. I keep my head up and watch as a white 135 BMW passes at an alarmingly quick rate and seemingly noiseless following the race car. My interest subsides and I throw my head back for some more zzzz’s. Less than 8 minutes later however, my alarm clock is back! God that’s quick! I am soon joined by the ‘boys’ who have walked down from the hill. It is time to get our brains in gear. This would be our last afternoon on the ‘Green Hell’ before dinner, a good night’s sleep and a long drive home in the morning. Monday afternoon is much quieter than yesterday. Not so many loonies and a chance to have a bit more space to play. Jim gives me a go in his Elise. It is a wonderfully balanced car but I find the gearshift a bit remote and fluff the gears on two occasions. Out of respect for Jim, and as I don’t know the car, the lap is a slow tour rather than a blast. I decide to have a couple of more laps in the Pug and don’t push my luck in the borrowed car. Jim decides to come out as a passenger in the Pug with me. I drive with some speed but always conscious that it’s not my motor. The understeer returns for the first part of the lap and I can’t help feeling how much more grip this would have with Toyo’s rather than Pirelli P6000’s!!!!! As the lap progresses, I brake later and longer and the back end dances beautifully. I still don’t push too hard especially in the fast bends and at the back end of the circuit. That’s where the big bills are generated.
We return to the car park and I comment on the oversteer moment at Pflanzgarten. Jim replies, “I’ve never done it that quick before!”. I then fall uncharacteristically silent! The final lap of the trip is Jim driving the Pug. It is the little car’s final chance to dance on the ‘Ring. Jim goes out, his driving style now much more aggressive with the front drive Pug. At Flugplatz I hear the exhaust note deepen and become louder. No matter we’re on a hot one. Jim drives the car with even more aggression than I dared to and we have a laugh a minute as this little French car grips and goes lairy around the circuit. We clear the gantry and suddenly Jim comments on how loud the exhaust sounds. We crawl back to the car park to find the centre box has split in two and we have an ‘A-Team’ style job to get this car back to Blighty as European Recovery with green flag doesn’t recover you from Europe apparently. Should have got “Ronseal” European recovery… at least that would have done what it says on the tin............... Some scavenging, ingenuity, gun gum and tape, combined with a tool kit packed last minute and a pit in the garage at the guesthouse, ensured that after a quick bite to eat the exhaust was in one piece. Held together by metal straps, bbq foil and silver tape we were sure it would get us home. Tuesday morning we packed the cars, ate our breakfast and were on our way. I had ear plugs at the ready just in case the exhaust fell off. 35 miles later the inevitable happened. My ear plugs came to good use and we stopped in a parkplatz and removed the exhaust. Only 315 miles to go through 3 countries without an exhaust. Oh well here we go. The ear plugs worked a treat. We stopped for a break in Belgium and I managed to hear most of the conversation over my Chocolate bun.
We resumed and made good progress through Belgium until we were forced to drive at 50mph, 4 lorries back from a Police car for 30 miles. Eventually we managed to gain time and made the Ferry with 15 minutes to spare. I will never forget the looks on the locals’ faces as the mad apes from the island drove by without an exhaust. Oh well we have to insult the foreigners somehow don’t we!
Once parked on the Ferry I cheerfully handed the keys of the Pug to Jim. The rest of the trip through the UK would be asleep in Mike’s Porka. Jim being the top bloke he is bought me lunch for my troubles, and I sat down to a well deserved pie and mash, followed by a doze. The white cliffs of Dover came into view and with sadness I said goodbye to the guys and to the Pug. I have a love / hate relationship with that car. It is a stunning track day tool that is a hoot to drive, but don’t cross a continent in it though! You’re arse will hurt and middle class women will question your sexuality. Jim, next time, if you want to go to the ‘Ring with more than one car, can I please take the NSX? Because my arse is still sore! David
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It happens every year. Over the cold winter months I dream of the chance to lie in the sun, head back on the warm grass
and gaze at the cloudless German sky. 
Pictures taken, we descend to the restaurant for Bratwurst mit chippies! My face being bathed by the sun and even more
pig consumed we decide to go and watch the Scuderia from Brunnchen. 
Back in one piece and Jim takes me out in the Elise. This boy can pedal. The second half of the circuit is
particularly impressive as Jim crests the flat out section at Pflanzgarten without lifting. As the back of the
Elise goes light over the crest and the back twitches to the left, Jim gently gives a cock of the wrist to correct
the skid and lifts on the accelerator before gently reapplying the pedal and off we go. No fuss, no drama, just
beautiful car control.
